This personal essay first appeared at my Substack.

Part 1

As some of you know, I used to be a teacher. Well, an educational consultant. In my twenties I worked in schools and after school programmes. I absolutely never had any inappropriate interactions with students. When I started my xxx site I left that world though I stayed friends with a few colleagues. When the students grew up, if they discovered my website, they never contacted me. These folks would be 40 now.

Later when I retired from performing I worked offline in the mainstream world. One of those jobs was in education. I haven’t publicly mentioned all of the work I did back then because people jump to awful inappropriate conclusions all too easily. It wasn’t for long so I didn’t make any friendships from then and I don’t really remember many of the students who are now in their late twenties and early thirties now. It never entered the gossip train about me. It might now.

Part 2

I have some star fucking tendencies. It was an obsessive thing during my midlife crisis. Some might remember as I wrote about it in my members-only journal. It's not a big part of my psyche anymore. You should never meet your heroes. Still, I can get a distinct spark of interest when I realize I can connect with someone with a famous profile— in particular Canadians.

Part 3

I was watching Netflix’s Sex/Life when I thought I recognized someone I knew. It took me a while to place him because he was older. He was a former student and well, definitely a man now. I did a bit of digging and I discovered he does porn.

So I reached out and we started chatting. The hilarious thing for me is he had no clue I did porn. I tried to tell him about it but I don’t think it landed. While I’m not famous in the ways he has become in XXX, avid fans of amateur porn know who I am.

We chatted a bit but we danced around our past connection and focused more on what we had in common now— porn. From there we decided to shoot together. We thought it would be an interesting story to tell each in our own ways. He is big on testing as am I so once we exchanged that information we made plans to meet and shoot our first interaction in over 10 years. A very different one!!!

Part 4

I haven’t had a lot of partnered sex since 2016 and even less since 2020. My body has changed so much since my hysterectomy. When I masturbate off camera and during my live cam shows I’m intently focused on my pleasure because I want to stay sexually vibrant. I don’t take this time of my life or my physical sexuality for granted. I don’t think I did before but I definitely don’t now.

With that in mind I looked at his content and saw that he fucks hard. Because most of my porn was photos I forget that there was intensity to the scenes I shot. My body memory tells a story of fun but not extreme sex but I think that’s because I was very fit, limber and had a resilient vulva and vagina. I think also consistent condom use did make things a bit less jack hammer like.

Part 5

Our conversations made it clear we were on the same page that this was professional. I really liked that. I’m discovering more and more that I’m back to enjoying that my sex work is the focus of my sexuality. That it’s how I feel most myself and how it is mentally and physically fulfilling to be with like minded people. He seems to be the same way. Yes, I definitely liked that. Professional sexual exhibitionists unite!

Before the shoot I did some anal prep (more than I ever have before) but I also did my favourite sensual things (hot bath, stretch and self massage with body oil). I masturbated with my Le Wand Petit to build up warmth and blood flow but saved my orgasms for my time with him. I used some of my various sized dildos so I could be ready for his cock. It isn’t terrifyingly huge but it is definitely much larger and thicker than average.

Part 6

When he arrived at my place we chatted a bit and it wasn’t awkward. I was surprised by how sweet and goofy he was. No arrogance or bravado. He knew about my concerns for how hard I could fuck. He said he’d be passionate but not rough. I said yes, please.

30-minutes later we were both very pleased with the results.

The video will be available on my VIP website on September 26th, 2023.

EPILOGUE

This video first premiered on his Only Fans as part of his anonymous series and his fan base responded quite well to it. I find it interesting that he sees me as belonging to the category of “average woman” rather than “porn star”. Is it the former connection that leads our content for him? I think so. It’s titillating. I get that.

For me what I’ve found to be so fascinating is our age difference and how he has a certain sexual history and I have mine. They are very different because of gender and generation but we are both now in the same industry and navigating the same waters. I hope to explore more of these ideas and feelings of mine— with him if he is interested as well as with other performers. Stay tuned.